I have bought a 1/35th scale S-boat

John the Confused · I have bought a 1/35th scale S-boat

I now have several problems

1) How do I sneak it in to the house?
2) When will I build it?
3) Where will I put it when I have built it?

Does any of this sound familiar?

John the C

dancho

The ship will have to be assembled in sections and smuggled into the house disguised as large cheeses.

Ratch

Pop it onto your doorstep for SWMBO to find, with a note from the Model Fairy

Brews

You should cut a hole in a wall, about 1.5m long, and about 0.5m high, I guess. Make it into a shelf, and put some glazing around it. Then fill it with the completed model. See if anyone notices.

Flash Flash

Dig a hole in the ground,
Put the kit in,
Refill the hole,
Dig again when everything is clear and pretend that you have had that model for ages.
Easy

jhl1908

You take the box under your arm and enter the house like a man!

If you smuggle it in, think on how many pair of shoes that can enter your home the same way.

- Jesper

Sgt.Squarehead

1 - Carefully I would imagine!
2 - When she is out?
3 - How big is your bathtub?

T16S

Firstly you must cultivate an interest in German sausages and wet celery and flying goggles and cheese for your ears and then make a stocked up larder of them. Then conceal the kit parts in the sausage but those sausages with parts inside must be marked with a little swastika so they can be identified. Thus you can come home each night with another sausage and say 'Hi honey I just brought home another sausage for my collection'. She won't have a clue what you are doing.
Building the beast is another matter entirely. I suggest a modest house extension of about half an acre.
Cheers Stuart
ps apologies for stealing ideas from Herr Flick of the Gestapo!

dancho

To complete the illusion, you'll need to acquire some hexanoic acid (also called caproic acid). Sprinkle this liberally on the box holding the kit parts. With the smell produced by this subterfuge, no one will suspect that anything other than some horrible German cheese is in there, and no one will be brave enough to open the box.

Once completed, you can take the model to a show and feature the "authentic smell of a ship on a long, long cruise."

John the Confused

Thank you all for your various suggestions.

I have a plan. I will come home early one day and take it straight up to the loft.

Fortunately my wife is scared of heights and does know the true extent of the kit mountain in the loft.

Does anyone remember an advert which featured a man who collected traffic cones?

He is in the loft surround by traffic cones and says "My wife does not know about these".

dancho

Before anyone suggests that you simply tell her the truth and bear the consequences, I suggest that you plan on the gradual approach. Bring this kit in openly, prepare for a confrontation--but DO NOT reveal the extent of the ready reserve attic insulation. Just focus your attention on getting the current kit accepted into the house. Then, once the current kit is in the door, bring some of the other kits into the light of day, explaining that they are accessories for the larger kit, and the whole thing is a single bundle.

Continue to add "accessories" until your stash is (mostly) out in the open. You will now have a workbench (table, spot on the floor, etc.) full of open kit boxes, all having been accepted on the legal grounds that they are accessory to, and thereby allowed under the original agreement allowing the one large kit in the door.)

Dangerbod

The lengths you have to go to! I recently stashed two new kits on top of the coat cupboard in my porch. The intention was to retrieve them and add them to the 'legitimate' stash without them being noticed.

Unfortunately they have been discovered and removed, so now I am saying nothing, whilst I wait to see if they get mentioned, or manage find and retrieve them .

There was an oblique reference to my stash last night, concerning the misapprehension that it was now all in the loft. In fact my AFV stash is in the loft, but I'm rapidly developing a new aeroplane stash under my desk. Actually on reflection I'm wondering if she's got a point.......

skipperjjt

Oh for goodness sake!!!!take it into the house and at the first sign of questions like "and where do you think you are going with that?",in a manly voice say"this is my house I will bring into it what I like"..............................thenRUN